Please Settle This,
For five years, Thanksgiving has happened at my house. Not because anyone voted. Because the first year my mom’s knee was bad, I said "I will do it," and in my family, once you do something once, it is your job until you die.
Every year it is twenty-two people. I start brining the turkey on Tuesday. I take Wednesday off work. I own folding chairs that live in my garage 364 days a year. My sister Denise brings rolls. Store-bought. Still in the bag.
Last year, after everybody left, I sat down on the kitchen floor at midnight next to a sink full of roasting pans, and I just stayed there. My husband found me and said, "Babe, you do not have to do this." And I realized he was right. I did not have to. I just always had.
So in September I texted the family group chat: "Love you all, but I am taking a year off from hosting. Who wants Thanksgiving?"
Silence. Two full days of silence. Then Denise replied: "So you are just canceling Thanksgiving?"
Then my aunt sent a crying emoji. Then my mom called and said, "Your grandmother would be heartbroken," which is wild, because my grandmother hosted exactly zero Thanksgivings in her entire life.
Now it is October and nobody has offered. Denise says I am "holding the holiday hostage." My mom keeps sending me turkey recipes "just in case." Part of me feels guilty. Part of me wants to book a cabin in the mountains and turn my phone off until December.
Am I wrong for stepping back? Or is this just the price of being the one who holds the family together?
Signed,
Done Basting
Letters are written by NowSettled from the disputes people search for. Names and details are made up.
